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Useless Mix 1&2 - Joined together, they hurt one another.

by erica

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about

i grew up as someone who didn't really make music or even play an instrument. i grew up with a brother that was a lot like today, we had so many fun times when i was young. now that i'm 19 i am really sad that he is far away from me now after all we had done. it was so much fun, he introduced me to may different artists from techno to rock to very obscure stuff sometimes but i never really cared for those until now. recently he's been getting back into being supportive of me and my family but in small portions probably cuz it's been a long time since we've actually talked. i'm kinda afraid of meeting him again tho.

this final album is going to kill me. it's seriously been a anxiety induced life ever since i've been working on this shit. so far there are 12 tracks to it combined with all the parts and i still want to have more even tho i't may cause me to lose more and more days on my life. i've worked years to get this album to be perfect and the way i want so i can distance my old shit from it. every album i've release is either hit or miss with me especially if it goes wrong because then it really changes how i think of things. when it goes wrong, it's like a bullet thru the head. a knife thru the heart, my heart races as i try to fix it and i just want to kill myself in the moment but luckily i've tried to calm myself but it's never easy.

i'm the kind of person who is afraid of every angle of everything. i can't stop but think about everything, sometimes i think about the same thing for a long time. autism and anxiety coincide with my music "making", ekoda is really helpful with something like that especially. before, game making was a thing that was similar to this whole bandcamp music thing and i am very happy to express my somewhat "life" to people who support me in some way even if isn't a good thing. but i thank each and every one of you until paranoir is released. goodbye, and thank you, this is for you.

after this album is released i will attempt suicide. no questions asked, the people who have terrified me deserve something from me after what i've done to them. they don't deserve to live on the same planet as me.

asukrai - an attempt to make music and have fun.

ekoda - after everything that has happened, i needed some place to vent my anxiety, sadness, and trauma

noonesu. - wanted to distance myself from all that has happened to me at asukrai. bbcorpses really comforted me then, i miss that. we made very questionable things whenever we wanted but now it's just whatever without bbcorpses sadly.

lari - an attempt to simulate opn and asukrai.

new folder - something i'd rather keep to you guys and not my friends cuz i never can trust them nowadays.

ikura - return to old asukrai but make it better and try not to mess up so i don't die.

忍 - was a fan of future funk and wanted to try my hand in it but then future funk sucked so now it's every now and again when i'm ever in teh mood.

mirai - a project with my good friend bbcorpses again, just experimental and esoteric shit.

sorry if i fuck up cuz i type really fast but i think i got to say everything i wanted. btw, i'm not named erica but i'd like if you'd acknowledge me as that. thank you.

credits

released April 2, 2018

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